Entry: Photographer's Forum

I entered the Photographer's Forum 29h Annual Best of College Photography Contest last year, and am happy to say that I was a finalist and got published in the book. So, of course I entered again this year. Proof:

Artist: Mary Virginia Carmack

During my constant search for inspiring collage artists, I came across Mary Virginia Carmack. She works with painting, drawing, photography, collage/photomontage, and more. I really love some of her collages, and I especially admire their open-ended feel, which is something that was mentioned as lacking in my work. When I view her work I feel like she could add to them at anytime, yet they do not feel unfinished. Some of her beautiful collages are posted below. See her flickr here. To get to know her, read her blog.

Video Self Critique

I think it is always a painful experience to watch myself on video; I can't even stand to hear my own voice on any kind of recording. Somehow, I don't think I'm alone in that feeling. However, watching my critique video was not as bad as I thought, and it was very helpful for absorbing and actually remembering what everyone had to say. In the nervous moment of crit, I have a hard time retaining and processing all of that information.

I noticed some nervous habits that I was not aware of (constant lip biting, for one), and in general I think my body language lacks confidence. I seemed small and defensive, leaning against the wall and crossing my arms a lot. I think that is particularly interesting given that there was no need for defensive behavior - the critique went better than I thought it would.

All in all, I think the process of recording and watching critique is very beneficial, and even though I dreaded it this time I will gladly do it again. I hope to work on controlling my nervous habits the next time around, and take more notes! If it had not been for the recording I think I would have missed a lot of useful advice.

Extra Post: Midterm Critique Statement

Just as a refresher, I'm posting the statement I gave at my midterm critique yesterday:

My work this year is an attempt to deal with, and find humor in, my situation as a single mother. By appearing in my images multiple times, or once surrounded by multiples of my son, I hope to visually communicate that I am his sole caregiver and therefore pulled in a million directions. It is also my hope to convey a sense of liminality through my images, as I believe that I am in a liminal state between where I was, or want to be, and where I have to be.

I started out wanting to document some of the lonely and overwhelming moments I frequently encounter since being left alone in the parenting world. I pieced my images together in Photoshop, but none of the "mes" were interacting with each other. As a result, my first images were lonely and depressing, and almost depicted my child as more of an emotional burden than anything else. In addition, I was over-planning my shoots, separating them from my everyday motherly routines, and they were actually causing me to need a babysitter to keep Henry in the next room, so that he wasn’t part of what I was doing until it was his turn to be in front of the camera. That was not what I wanted at all.

As the semester progressed, I encountered a lot of technical difficulty in piecing my images together, and I was kind of forced by a dead computer to take a different approach. I started making my shoots more organic, taking pictures with a remote while going about my daily routine and interaction with Henry, and I began to physically cut and paste my images together, turning my photographs into collages. This allowed me to truly make my work about motherhood rather than acting for the camera, and I feel that the collages are functioning as a better metaphor for liminality than pristinely Photoshopped images would. They are also better able to communicate that, even though I’m the only parent, I have fun and I love what I’m doing.

I have struggled with this work all semester, and I continue to do so. I would love to make something that is visually beautiful, and these collages certainly aren’t. But they are about my life, and that isn’t exactly beautiful right now either. However, at the end of the day I come home to a person that loves me unconditionally, and I love being his mom, so I’m embracing the situation and embracing this work and I hope that it shows through my finished images.

Research: Multi-Tasking

Everyone has to multi-task to some extent. Not only do I find myself constantly multi-tasking for school (going to class, studying, shooting, image editing, writing papers, etc) but I have to multi-task between my academic career and my role as mother (feeding, cooking, changing diapers, changing clothes, washing clothes, cleaning, picking up toys, playing, putting down for naps, comforting, reading stories, etc). Needless to say, it is extremely difficult.

In my images, I appear multiple times to try to demonstrate the constant activities/tasks I perform in taking care of my son. In the image where Henry appears as multiples and I am only there once, I am trying to demonstrate the energy he puts into everything he does, seemingly effortlessly, and my inability to keep up at times. Thinking about all of this led me to research multi-tasking.

Human multi-tasking or multitasking is the performance by an individual of appearing to handle more than one task at the same time. Some believe that multitasking can result in time wasted due to human context switching and apparently causing more errors due to insufficient attention. Since the 1990s, experimental psychologists have started experiments on the nature and limits of human multitasking. It has been shown multitasking is not as workable as concentrated times. In general, these studies have disclosed that people show severe interference when even very simple tasks are performed at the same time, if both tasks require selecting and producing action. Multi-tasking has also been shown to have a negative effect on happiness, as it only allows you to skim the surface of activities rather than give them your full attention. (See the article here.)

I feel that the definition and explanation above are pretty accurate for describing the way I feel about my constant juggling of various things. I find it extremely difficult to give my full attention to anything, but more often than not I give it to Henry, ignoring my homework and other daily tasks. I struggle with this because while I want to be a great mom, I want to keep up the grades I have worked so hard for over the last three years, I want to keep my house clean, I want to get enough sleep, and it goes on and on.

Hopefully my collages are depicting this multi-tasking struggle effectively. My midterm critique is this afternoon, so I guess I'll find out...

Image Update

Finally, as promised, here are some of my collages. I'm trying to trust myself that they are what I wanted, but I honestly can't wait for critique to get some feedback...

Artist: Clare Murray Adams

I started looking at Clare Murray Adams because I had heard of her collage work, but found myself more drawn to her fiber pieces. She considers herself to be primarily a fiber artist, but incorporates collage, found objects, and encaustic paints on the surfaces of her fabric works. In viewing her work I detected a lot of themes of femininity, fertility, and domesticity, but here is what she has to say in her artist statement:
"My work is often related in theme to aspects of memory, family history, spirituality, gender, time and space. While the specific occasions of memory are often of a personal nature, the themes and imagery have a universal appeal. My goal in making art is to explore process while allowing intuition to have its say."
I think of her work as being more of an experimental approach to collage, whereas my collages have been very straightforward. I would like to be brave enough to draw/paint on them, but I'm not sure how that relates to my concept unless it looks childish, and I won't know how I feel about that until I do it. Anyway, see a few of Adams' fiber pieces below.

SoulDoll

Four Days in May

Ticklish

Research: Child Art

During Griffin's midterm critique on Tuesday, Tom mentioned the term "Child Art." I was immediately curious as to whether this term applied to my work right now or not, so I did some research on the definition. The definition that I found right away was pretty narrow, as follows: "Child art is the drawings, paintings and other artistic works created by people under the age of 12. It is also referred to as 'children's art' or the 'art of children'. The term 'child art' also has a parallel and different usage in the world of contemporary fine art, where it refers to a sub-genre of artists who depict children in their works" (see article here).

I tried to find more information on this term, but what I found was mostly centered around art therapy in children that have been diagnosed with Autism or come from abusive homes. None of that applies to me.

Even though I could not find much information, this was not a waste. I still feel that I can confidently apply this term to my work - all of my images will contain Henry, and some may actually be manipulated by him - and any language that I can find to help describe what I am doing is helpful. Add this to the list of words I've been compiling for my project and it just might be taking shape...

Artist: Henry Darger

Last week, Tom suggested that I take a look at Henry Darger's work, and I loved it so much I decided to make it my Sunday blog. Henry Joseph Darger, Jr. was a reclusive American writer and artist. He has become famous for his posthumously discovered 15,145-page, single-spaced fantasy manuscript called The Story of the Vivian Girls, in What is known as the Realms of the Unreal, of the Glandeco-Angelinnian War Storm, Caused by the Child Slave Rebellion, along with several hundred drawings and watercolor paintings illustrating the story. Darger's work has become one of the most celebrated examples of outsider art.
In 1968, Darger became interested in tracing some of his frustrations back to his childhood. It was in this year that he wrote The History of My Life, a book that spends 206 pages detailing his early life before veering off into 4,672 pages of fiction about a huge twister called "Sweetie Pie," probably based on memories of the tornado he had witnessed in 1908. He also kept a diary to chronicle the weather and his daily activities. Darger often concerned himself with the plight of abused and neglected children; the institution where he had lived as a boy was brought under investigation in a huge scandal shortly before he left and he might have seen victims of child abuse in the hospital where he worked. (Read more here.)

In looking at Darger's work, I found that it was somewhat related to mine in terms of content (children), and technique. His paintings and drawings immediately remind me of collage, and they are a good source of inspiration for composition. I have been contemplating drawing on my collages, or allowing Henry to have a hand in them, and Darger's work definitely encourages me to at least try it out. Check out some of Darger's work below:

Research: Master Narratives

As I continued to read Single by Chance, Mothers by Choice: How Women are Choosing Parenthood Without Marriage and Creating the New American Family by Rosanna Hertz this week, I learned about the concept of what sociologists refer to as a "master narrative."

According to Hertz, "Master narratives describe something that may once have been real but which has, over time, grown beyond its original proportions to become both the stuff of legend and a powerful form of social control. Through repetition, master narratives insinuate themselves into the cultural fabric, even when the ideal is rarely seen in reality" (p. 54). The ideal American family, complete with mother, father, children, and white picket fence, fits the role of a master narrative very well. I do not know anyone that has a perfect family, regardless of the parents' marital status, though it seems to be something that we all strive for.

For me and Henry, the ideal seems unattainable, yet the more I hesitate at this threshold of fully embracing my role as single mother, the more I become aware of the social constructs around me, and the more I long to fit them. According to Hertz, this is not unusual. "Single mothers are not out to change the world. In fact, they work diligently on behalf of their children, patching together a life that resembles the so-called normal middle-class family. Like all mothers, they strive to raise an acceptable child and to organize an acceptable family life" (p. 55).

As I consider my situation both in terms of my work and everyday life, I am constantly reminded of a concept I learned as a child: creating a "new kind of normal." As young children, my older brother and I shared a bedroom for a couple of years, and every night we would listen to "Odyssey" - a Christian radio program we had on CD that told funny stories geared at children and filled with moral values. The one I remember most was about dealing with change, and finding normalcy and happiness in a new situation. This is a challenge we are all faced with from time to time, and for me right now it is proving to be a slow and difficult process. Though I may actually be the happiest I have ever been in some ways - I absolutely adore being a mother! - I struggle to feel "normal," however abstract and subjective that feeling may be.

In the collages I have been working on (and will post soon, I promise!), I think these feelings are definitely coming across. It is not difficult to think of how cutting and pasting is a metaphor for fitting in and feeling normal. The difficult part is finding the language to express these feelings, and I feel like I have been making progress in that area lately. I continue to feel a new surge of inspiration and excitement for this project, and I am looking forward to seeing it through the rest of the year.

Artist Lecture: Brian Ulrich

I was very excited by Brian Ulrich's lecture this afternoon. His images of big box retail stores, abandoned shopping centers and malls, and portraits of consumers are pristine and insightful. Ulrich's subtle commentary on our American consumer culture is savvy and visually interesting. By using film and shooting with a medium format, 4x5, and 8x10 view camera, Ulrich is able to create large and immensely detailed prints that are absolutely gorgeous. As he explained in the lecture, the richness of the film lends a sense of importance to photographs of even the most mundane objects.
My personal favorites were from the Dark Stores project, in which Ulrich explored and documented once thriving businesses that are now desolate. As I was viewing these images, the term liminal (from my research post below) kept coming to my mind. It struck me that I felt an affinity for the places depicted in his imagery because they are stuck in a liminal space just like I am. Once bustling and now forgotten, places such as Circuit City, Value City, and many others can now be found on the threshold between past and future. Other people viewing the work may not have gotten the same feeling at all, but for me, Ulrich's images spoke about the liminal state of being between want and reality. Below are a few of my favorite images from both Retail and Dark Stores.

Artist: Julien Pacaud

Now that I am thinking about piecing my images together through collage rather than Photoshop, I spent a lot of time looking for artists that work with collages. I found a lot, but their work was generally crazy and did not apply to mine at all. Finally, I found Julien Pacaud, but unfortunately I only found a lot of images, and not a lot of information. However, I decided to blog about him anyway. His work is generally surreal, vintage feeling photo montage. While they all seem to hint at something darker, the first impression of all of his work is somewhat whimsical. Occasionally, his images portray children and families, so our work is related at least through content. I enjoy how his collages are not overwhelmingly cluttered with images like a lot of the others that I found were. They are bold, but simple at the same time. Check out the images below, and see more of his work here.

Artist Lecture: Anders Ruhwald

Unfortunately, I did not find myself particularly inspired by the work of Anders Ruhwald. His lecture was dry and a bit hard to follow, and his work just did not appeal to me personally. In looking at his website, it seems that Ruhwald typically creates sculpture that represents everyday household items - like the chair and mirrors below - in less than typical materials, colors, and situations. While he does this with great skill and devotion, and I can admire him for that, I am not excited by his creations. However, I did find the starkness and contrast of his all black installations in all white rooms interesting (even beautiful for their graphic qualities as photographs.) I am including a few images from "If all man's objects were well designed, joy and harmony would emerge eternally triumphant" below, which are perfect examples of this work. I wish he had gone into more depth on this work, as I think I might have thought differently at the lecture if he had. Please see the images below.

Research: Liminality

I recently started reading a new book, Single by Chance, Mothers by Choice: How Women are Choosing Parenthood Without Marriage and Creating the New American Family by Rosanna Hertz. The book explores the stories of several single mothers, what brought them to that situation, and how they are finding their place within it, as well as the societal and psychological implications of their choices and lifestyles. According to the earliest chapters, many women choose to become single mothers in spite of our society's expectations of love-then-marriage-then-children due to their inability (or lack of desire) to sacrifice their independence to a mate. Hertz states that "The combination of priceless children and the tenacity of compulsory motherhood's hold on women is the driving force behind many women's intense desire for children,a desire that collides with the reality of their independent lives. In order to defuse this conflict, women must form a new kind of family, of which mother and child form the core, as they try to make sense of the gradual dissolution of the nuclear family" (pg 5).

That was just one little bit, and it is a very interesting read, but the real point of this post is that through Hertz's book I was (re)introduced to the idea of liminality, and it occurred to me that I myself am in a sort of liminal state.

Liminality (from the Latin limen, meaning "threshold") is a psychological, neurological, or metaphysical subjective, conscious state of being on the "threshold" of or between two different existential planes (see Wiki article here). According to Hertz, a liminal state for a single mother is "a period of uncertainty that can last for months, even years, during which a woman's identity is suspended between the person she was and the person she wants to be" (pg 24). For me, this can be directly related to the fact that I had a partner, I was not only a mother, but a person in love. Now that aspect of my life has been removed, and I am left alone in the world of parenting. This is not where I would ideally be, but I love my son and must embrace the situation for his sake (and my sanity.) I am clearly at this place of being in between, and it is time to sink or swim.

I am excited about being able to apply a word to these feelings that I have been having and trying to express, and I think I have come to the realization that I have not been expressing myself effectively through the Photoshopped images I have been posting so far. I am now considering taking a different approach - collage - that I feel will not only open a whole new realm of possibilities for my images, but also help to convey this liminal space that I am currently existing in. In the collaged images I am going to start making, I will most likely appear to be disproportioned and oddly fit into the spaces I will occupy with Henry - but that is how my life is right now. There are a few things in life that I am absolutely certain about - such as the fact that I love Henry more than anything - but for the most part I haven't quite found my place. However, I am quickly walking towards it. I will post new images as soon as I can! I am starting to get excited. It's about time. . .

Artist Lecture: Penelope Umbrico

I thoroughly enjoyed Penelope Umbrico's lecture yesterday. Not only was I inspired by her work itself (the Flickr Suns, empty mirrors, and backwards books were gorgeous!), but by her obvious passion and enthusiasm for everything that she creates. I was particularly entertained by the irony of the way her work - which often speaks about absurdity in our culture - brings absurd actions like obsessive collecting/archiving into her life. I was very impressed by the fresh and relative appearance of even her oldest works, and her ability to bring beauty to all of her conceptual pieces - which is something that I personally struggle with. It completely blows my mind to think of working in such a meticulous and thoughtful manner - collecting hundreds of magazine/catalog clippings, craigslist ads, and ebay listings, as well as performing endless research - but it clearly works for her and the effort shows through in her work. Not only did I find Umbrico to be an extremely inspiring artist, but a very entertaining and thoughtful speaker as well. I was not ready for her lecture to end! Please see a few of my favorites from her work below.

Artist: Charles Spearin - The Happiness Project

At my last meeting, Jeff and I discussed the possibility of recording the words that Henry says and piecing them together to make full sentences. It is an interesting idea, but I am not sure how to incorporate it. Jeff suggested that I take a look at Charles Spearin's The Happiness Project. Spearin asked friends, relatives, and neighbors to talk about happiness, then paired the natural melody of their speech with musical interpretation. Check out the video below.

Image Update

Just for reference, I'm posting the image I most recently added to the class blog below. The Photoshop work is not very good, but that's another story. With this image, I tried to show the more humorous side of single motherhood.